3.29.12

It’s always darkest before the dawn

That’s what I’ve heard on TV or read in a book when a main character is facing some life altering situation. It’s always darkest before the dawn and then something miraculous happens and everything is all gravy. Well, I’ve certainly had enough of the dark times. Just when I thought it couldn’t get any darker, it did. It’s been almost a year since my mom died. April 9^th will be 365 days that heaven admitted my mom as God’s newest Angel and I’ve always thought since her death, that she’s been my Angel. 

Yesterday I was in such a dark place in my heart and in my head. I was missing my mom something awful and it was just becoming unbearable and yesterday morning I hit a “wall”. I felt like she had just died all over again and everything still felt so raw. There’s so much more I could talk about regarding everything that’s happened since Momma died, but to dredge it all up now is to relive it and right now, I’m just too happy to put myself thru that. One day I’ll share it, and believe me, you will see why it’s been such a painful journey. So, my wonderful husband, heartbroken because there’s nothing he can do to fix my pain, suggested that I call my Godmother. She and my mother were friends for 44 years before she passed and I really needed a mother figure to talk to. So I called her and we talked for about 2 hours. She told me funny stories about when she and my mom were in high school together. She reminded me of many things that my mom would say to cheer me up and she told me some hard things that I needed hear to begin the closure process of my grieving. I’ve come to accept what I need to do, I’m just not ready to do it. But the very acceptance of that fact lifted sooooo much weight off my shoulders and that heavy cloud that was suffocating my heart was beginning to lift. I started breathing easier and I actually felt like getting out of bed, washing my hair, and getting pretty! I did something I hadn’t done in almost 2 years…I gave myself a French pedicure! It turned out so pretty! Today, I even did my hair all pretty and I did my makeup! My husband was like “where’s my wife?” Even my 12 year-old son was like “Wow mom you look awesome!” I don’t know what tomorrow is gonna be like, but the way these last couple of days have gone, all I can do is look forward to it!

Sunrise sure is pretty isn’t it?