3.29.12

It’s always darkest before the dawn

That’s what I’ve heard on TV or read in a book when a main character is facing some life altering situation. It’s always darkest before the dawn and then something miraculous happens and everything is all gravy. Well, I’ve certainly had enough of the dark times. Just when I thought it couldn’t get any darker, it did. It’s been almost a year since my mom died. April 9^th will be 365 days that heaven admitted my mom as God’s newest Angel and I’ve always thought since her death, that she’s been my Angel. 

Yesterday I was in such a dark place in my heart and in my head. I was missing my mom something awful and it was just becoming unbearable and yesterday morning I hit a “wall”. I felt like she had just died all over again and everything still felt so raw. There’s so much more I could talk about regarding everything that’s happened since Momma died, but to dredge it all up now is to relive it and right now, I’m just too happy to put myself thru that. One day I’ll share it, and believe me, you will see why it’s been such a painful journey. So, my wonderful husband, heartbroken because there’s nothing he can do to fix my pain, suggested that I call my Godmother. She and my mother were friends for 44 years before she passed and I really needed a mother figure to talk to. So I called her and we talked for about 2 hours. She told me funny stories about when she and my mom were in high school together. She reminded me of many things that my mom would say to cheer me up and she told me some hard things that I needed hear to begin the closure process of my grieving. I’ve come to accept what I need to do, I’m just not ready to do it. But the very acceptance of that fact lifted sooooo much weight off my shoulders and that heavy cloud that was suffocating my heart was beginning to lift. I started breathing easier and I actually felt like getting out of bed, washing my hair, and getting pretty! I did something I hadn’t done in almost 2 years…I gave myself a French pedicure! It turned out so pretty! Today, I even did my hair all pretty and I did my makeup! My husband was like “where’s my wife?” Even my 12 year-old son was like “Wow mom you look awesome!” I don’t know what tomorrow is gonna be like, but the way these last couple of days have gone, all I can do is look forward to it!

Sunrise sure is pretty isn’t it?

My Latest Obsession

Erin Condren Life Planners!!!

Candy Lace in Multi design

Since I was a little girl I've loved loved loved loved organizing. I always made lists and took notes and I loved anything to do with an office. I was that kid you could take to any appointment. Adults thought I was well behaved, but I was really just enthralled with all the lingo and the paper manipulation. Back in those days the closest things to computers were calculators and typewriters (typewriters....what are those :-D). Now that I'm all grown up and smack in this digital era, I am still obsessed with organizing. I love planners and I own many of them from basic to really expensive, and I have both paper and electronic planners. As much as I try to go digital I still find myself going back to paper. I can't get the gratification of physically checking a box or crossing an item off a list on something electronic. It just doesn't work. So I've been on the hunt for a new planner and stumbled across these Erin Condren Life Planners. I've watched lots of videos and read countless reviews and have decided......(drum roll) I MUST HAVE ONE!!! I've spent I don't know how long on her website and created my perfect planner. I haven't ordered because right now, I just can't swing $50 bucks on a planner when it could go towards something bigger. So.....I stumbled upon this blog called Live in my Heart and she's giving a away a 50 dollar voucher!!! Check it out here at Live in my Heart.. 

I figure if I'm gonna get one I'll probably have to win it so I entered. Good luck!!

It's the great pumpkin Charlie Brown!

so i'm still broke as hell and now halloween is upon us. my kids had a halloween family night at their school and i won a dvd player for a door prize, but when i went to get it, some kid claimed the last one! i was pissed! i coulda sold that for some cash! i have 4 dvd players, not including my playstation and computers, so i didn't need another one. oh well. there went that opportunity. the kids were so cute though. cali was a go-go baby and devon was a skull ninja. he's been a ninja of some sort since he could say halloween. cali finally went a different route and wasn't a princess this year. she really wanted to be corinne, the barbie 2 musketeer, but i couldn't find it anywhere. living in this po-dunk town called martin, i'm surprised i found what i found. i did my hair so i wouldn't embarrass my babies at their school. it looks good too according my husband, he says it's beautiful. now if i can only stay outta the rain....
i've been following the unemployment extension bill online for about a month now and it's so depressing! but i can't stop looking at it because it directly effects me and my pockets. god i hope that this goes thru quickly. it's rough trying to survive in this economy with NO income whatsoever. i couldn't tell you how we've done it this long.
this year for halloween we may do something a little different. the university here is having something for the whole town to enjoy and we're thinking about doing that and skipping the trick-or-treating. i think it might be nice and the kids seem to be looking forward to it. it'll be nice the have the 4 of us together at a fun function. there's a pumpkin patch out in medina and we might go and get one to carve. we did that in san diego. we would get 2 big ones and 2 little ones and let the kids draw the face they wanted to carve. then they got to gut them and that's what they liked the most, i'm sure. it was a cute sight. i'll be sure and take pics this year if that's what we do.

Can't get started!!!!!!!

UGH!! I've got so much to do today but i just can't seem to get started. i have a rough draft of my final paper that's due tomorrow, have i gotten started on that? nope. i have 2 loads of laundry to fold and put away. i have to get some paperwork notarized. and on top of that, i need to wash my hair. UGH! sometimes i feel as if i was born without enough arms and hands to do all i need to. i am so glad that my kids are riding the bus to school this year instead of me playing chauffeur. then after school they go to an after school program for the neighborhood kids where they help them with their homework and give them a snack. after homework time they go outside and play their little hearts out. by the time they get home they're ready for dinner and since they do their homework before they get home, they go right back outside after dinner. all of that affords me valuable time to take care of all the things i do everyday, but there are those times, like today, when i just can't get going. so here it is, a little after noon and i just got on my laptop. at least i have my coffee going and the last load in the dryer. hopefully the shot of caffeine will put me in the right place to get going. hang on a sec, my coffee's ready. be right back............

ahhh, hot, soothing southern butter pecan flavored coffee, my soap is on in the background, and i feel the caffeine coursing through my veins. i'll think i'll be okay now. i think i'll start working on my rough draft now. wish me luck. i'll check back in later!

Welcome to my blogspot!

For years I kept diaries and journals. I've gone from the little girlie type with the lock and key to as simple as you can get with just a plain old spiral notebook. This will be my first attempt at an online type diary. I've never written for the world to see, but with some encouragement from my husband and my instructors, I decided to take a stab at it. I haven't kept any diary for a while since I had my kids. Ya know, too busy to do that kinda stuff. Now that they're a little older and I can take more time for myself, I decided to go back to school and get my degree. It's been a wonderful experience so far and I'm so glad I made that decision. I guess I still might be in the honeymoon stage. It's a four year commitment and I've only been at it since March this year. I've been married to a wonderful guy for 10 years and we have 2 great kids. People ask me if I want to have more and I always say "nope, I got my set and now I'm through". Our son is 8 and our daughter is 7. They're only 15 months apart. They're so close, people ask us all the time if they're twins. They are very bright too. My son can tell you anything you ever wanted to know about dinosaurs or any prehistoric animal. He's teaching himself about fighters jets now. He wants to be a paleontologist and a Marine when he grows up. Go baby! My baby girl is my little drama queen. She wants to sing and dance, which is great, but I think she'll be a lawyer or a negotiator. The girl can bargain! Either way, she knows her Mommy supports her 100%. My husband is the smartest man I know. I'm always calling him SuperMan/Clark Kent because he just never ceases to amaze me. We've been best friends for almost 18 years. To anyone just meeting him, he's a clean cut, all around nice guy. He wears glasses, has beautiful eyes, a warm smile, and a genuine heart. Strangers start talking to him and tell him their life stories. But don't let that nice exterior fool ya. He's a fierce protector of his loved ones and awesome provider. He's been my rock and I don't know how I'd live without him. It's such a cool story how we met. We always say it's something we can share with our grandchildren. Our kids are still too young to understand the significance of how we came to be, but one day we'll tell them and they'll see how true love really is out there. You just have to be open to it and not be afraid. It'll make a nice blog entry one day.