3.29.12
It’s always darkest before the dawn
That’s what I’ve
heard on TV or read in a book when a main character is facing some life
altering situation. It’s always darkest before the dawn and then something
miraculous happens and everything is all gravy. Well, I’ve certainly had enough
of the dark times. Just when I thought it couldn’t get any darker, it did. It’s
been almost a year since my mom died. April 9th will be 365 days
that heaven admitted my mom as God’s newest Angel and I’ve always thought since
her death, that she’s been my Angel.
Yesterday I was in such a dark place in my
heart and in my head. I was missing my mom something awful and it was just
becoming unbearable and yesterday morning I hit a “wall”. I felt like she had
just died all over again and everything still felt so raw. There’s so much more
I could talk about regarding everything that’s happened since Momma died, but
to dredge it all up now is to relive it and right now, I’m just too happy to
put myself thru that. One day I’ll share it, and believe me, you will see why
it’s been such a painful journey. So, my wonderful husband, heartbroken because
there’s nothing he can do to fix my pain, suggested that I call my Godmother.
She and my mother were friends for 44 years before she passed and I really
needed a mother figure to talk to. So I called her and we talked for about 2
hours. She told me funny stories about when she and my mom were in high school
together. She reminded me of many things that my mom would say to cheer me up
and she told me some hard things that I needed hear to begin the closure
process of my grieving. I’ve come to accept what I need to do, I’m just not
ready to do it. But the very acceptance of that fact lifted sooooo much weight
off my shoulders and that heavy cloud that was suffocating my heart was
beginning to lift. I started breathing easier and I actually felt like getting
out of bed, washing my hair, and getting pretty! I did something I hadn’t done
in almost 2 years…I gave myself a French pedicure!
It turned out so pretty! Today, I even did my hair all pretty and I did my
makeup! My husband was like “where’s my wife?” Even my 12 year-old son was like
“Wow mom you look awesome!” I don’t know what tomorrow is gonna be like, but
the way these last couple of days have gone, all I can do is look forward to
it!
Sunrise sure is
pretty isn’t it?
