To protect and serve, yeah right

I find that credo laughable now.

 
 

I'm sure there are police officers that just that. But more often than not, as of late, all they seem to do is disrespect and intimidate. Just today my 65 year old mother went to Walgreen's. She's disabled so she has a handicapped placard that she uses. She pulled into the parking lot and noticed two sheriff officers on motorcycles near the front. She found a handicapped spot and parked. She also noticed one of the officers noticing her parking there. So she turns her car off and starts gathering her things before she got out of her car. She put her placard up and got out. My mom is very pretty and she drives a distinctive car. She gets noticed almost everywhere she goes. When she got out of her car, one of the officers was right there. She started to walk past him and he says "how come you don't drive with that up?" with a really nasty attitude. She answered "why should I?" and he says before he walks away "make me walk over here for nothing." My mother, being who she is, says "exercise is good for ya" and walked in the store.

 
 

I have to give a little history so this makes sense.

 
 

Last night I had the worst migraine I'd had in 16 years. It was so bad it made me vomit. My husband was worried and scared and my mom called. He told her what was going on with me and she wanted him to keep her posted. So after I woke up this morning, I decided to call her and let her know I was okay. That's when she told me she was in Walgreen's and what had happened prior to her going inside the store.

 
 

So back to the story……

 
 

My mom's in the store and she's telling me what happened. I was floored! I got mad and told her she needed to get his name and badge number so she could file a complaint against him. What he did was so wrong! He stalked her the minute she pulled into the lot and as soon as he saw her pull into the handicapped spot, he started walking toward her with the intention of giving her a $300 ticket. He got pissed off when he realized he walked over there for nothing. He didn't need to say that. He could've simply said he was checking to see if she had a placard. Doing his job. Not to complain to her because she wasn't making it easier for him to do his job. So when she got outside, she did just what I suggested and asked for his name and badge number. By this time I put her on speaker so Michael (my hubby) could hear what was going on. We hear my mom ask for his name and badge number, and he starts yelling at her telling her she was harassing him by telling him exercise was good for him. What a little bitch! So my mom commenced to letting him know how rude he was and how he needs an attitude adjustment and to learn how to approach people. He eventually shouted his name (which was Smith, yeah right) and his badge number. Then I heard his partner say "okay you got it now you need to move on". I lost it! I started screaming and telling my mom to take hang up with me and take their pictures. She did and she called me right back. I was still screaming! My hubby kept trying to get me to calm down because I was ready to hop in the car and fly 135 miles to let that punk cop know nobody talks to my mother like that and gets away with it. NOBODY!!!! Well I didn't. My mom talked me down after I stopped screaming. When I get that mad I tear up. Whenever I cry I get a headache. Sucks huh? Well after she got the info on the cop she went home and called the Sheriff's office. They told her that she would have to go downtown to the main police station (201 Poplar, Ugh!) and file it there. She called me after she learned that to tell what she had to do next. She wanted me to get off the phone with her before she changed her mind. She's gone down there to file that complaint.

 
 

What's wrong with people!?!?!?!?!

 
 

That cop knew he was wrong. He was probably embarrassed for having walked over there thinking he was about to write a ticket. When he saw my mom, he just decided her car was too good for her. We're from California and we live in Tennessee now. My mom has a vanity California plate on the front of her car (which is legal here). That cop saw that and figured my mom wasn't from here. He needs to get reprimanded for his actions and I'll see that he does. You just can't treat people like that! He wasn't protecting and serving. If he was he was serving his ego then he tried to protect it by yelling at my mom. Bullshit! He was disrespectful and he tried to intimidate my mom. Asshole, he'll think twice before he crosses anyone else.

Confessions of a gadget junkie

I never really explained just how much of gadget junkie I am. From the time I was about 6 years old I've always been into technology. At 6 I got my first tape recorder which I promptly took apart just to see how it worked. My mom was pretty pissed until she saw me put it back together. Then she was impressed and only helped to foster my obsession with technology. From then on I had every transistor radio, walk-man radio, boom box you can think of. Even the cool watches I had. Then personal computers hit the scene and it was over from there. It started with a Commodore 64....remember those? I'm dating myself.....I know.....but I make 38 look damn good! I had that for several years until it pooped out. No really, it did. I didn't take that apart. It was a long time before I got another computer, but it didn't stop me from playing every chance I got. I'd go to the apple store to play and I started taking computer science in school. Once I got into college I got another computer. By today's standards, it was just a big typewriter. Dot matrix printer, no internet access (there was no Internet back then), a monochrome monitor and it took 8 discs to load WordPerfect! I used the hell out of that thing too. Eventually as technology grew, my obsession grew. Every cool new gadget I had to have it. If I had to save for a year or wait for a month for it to be available in the US, I'll have it. When palm pilots came out, I had one. When they started coming out in color, I got one of those too. When cell phones started getting more advanced I got into those too. Eventually I have amassed two desktops, a 17" HP, 15.4" compaq, and now my latest acquisition, my Samsung N140 netbook. It is soooo cool and I have a feeling that I'll be using this for quite some time. It's got a huge hard drive (250 gigs), and fast processor (N280), a fat graphics card, 3 USB ports with 2 of them being chargeable even when the computer is off, 10.1 inch screen, draft n wireless, multi-touch touch pad, 6-cell battery, and it only weights 2.8 pounds. It's got a gorgeous deep burgundy lid and an anti-glare screen. I love it and I'm looking forward to the many hours I'll be spending with it.

it's a little after 930a and i feel like i didn't get any sleep at all. i feel like i'm gonna have such a hard time getting started today. i need coffee, but i'm out of filters and sugar and i don't have any money! bitch! sometimes i just can't make it without my coffee and i'm feeling like today might be one of those days! oh boy, hubby, watch out! i wish i could just lay back down and go back to sleep for about 4 hours and dream about winning the social security case we've been fighting for the last 2 1/2 years. it'll be so nice to be normal again and have a little money in our pockets. just a little. it'll be good to live instead of simply exist. just existing and watching life go by around me is like being a ghost. i can see all this happening around me but i can't touch it or be a part of it. i can only watch. sad huh? if hr3548 passes this week, i just might be able to make my car payment this month. i can't see losing 2 cars in a space of a month. that would absolutely depress me. i'm still getting over my platinum being taken away. this economy is a trip. those republicans that delayed the bill for a month are heartless, greedy bastards that act like they have to pay for the extension out of their own pockets. they have no idea what it's like to have no toilet paper, no soap, no laundry soap, very little food, rent's due, there's no gas in the car and there's no money in sight. they have no idea what it is to have a doctor appointment 2 states away and no gas to get there. they don't know what it feel like to see people coming and they act like they don't see you because they don't want you to ask them for any money. they have no idea what it's like to be told a stupid lie right to your face. that's what they've been doing to us. wondering where the money for an unemployment extension is going to come from yet they'll give billions to banks and shit that ran this country into the ground anyway. greedy bastards. this is not welfare i'm asking for. it's money that i worked and deposited into an insurance account for this purpose. i haven't worked in over 2 years and i've collected unemployment intermittently at best. it's just not right. wall street can simply put their hands out and say "i want" and they get. i do that and it's like "oh wait, we don't have that kind of money!" BULLSHIT!!! i just feel like complaining this morning and this seems like the perfect platform. no one to talk back and throw off my train of thought.
well, i guess i got it all off my chest. i better start getting dressed and getting ready to go to another doctor appointment 40 miles away.

L8R!!

It's the great pumpkin Charlie Brown!

so i'm still broke as hell and now halloween is upon us. my kids had a halloween family night at their school and i won a dvd player for a door prize, but when i went to get it, some kid claimed the last one! i was pissed! i coulda sold that for some cash! i have 4 dvd players, not including my playstation and computers, so i didn't need another one. oh well. there went that opportunity. the kids were so cute though. cali was a go-go baby and devon was a skull ninja. he's been a ninja of some sort since he could say halloween. cali finally went a different route and wasn't a princess this year. she really wanted to be corinne, the barbie 2 musketeer, but i couldn't find it anywhere. living in this po-dunk town called martin, i'm surprised i found what i found. i did my hair so i wouldn't embarrass my babies at their school. it looks good too according my husband, he says it's beautiful. now if i can only stay outta the rain....
i've been following the unemployment extension bill online for about a month now and it's so depressing! but i can't stop looking at it because it directly effects me and my pockets. god i hope that this goes thru quickly. it's rough trying to survive in this economy with NO income whatsoever. i couldn't tell you how we've done it this long.
this year for halloween we may do something a little different. the university here is having something for the whole town to enjoy and we're thinking about doing that and skipping the trick-or-treating. i think it might be nice and the kids seem to be looking forward to it. it'll be nice the have the 4 of us together at a fun function. there's a pumpkin patch out in medina and we might go and get one to carve. we did that in san diego. we would get 2 big ones and 2 little ones and let the kids draw the face they wanted to carve. then they got to gut them and that's what they liked the most, i'm sure. it was a cute sight. i'll be sure and take pics this year if that's what we do.

impatience...... not always cool

i'm not sure if it's me or what. is it something i inherited or some personality trait i picked up somewhere. my husband seems to think when he asks me a question that i totally ignore him. he couldn't be more wrong! my husband is the smartest person i know. he's the type of person that always keeps you on your p's and q's. it's not with every question he asks me, but sometimes i pause for a second or 2 to think about my answer. if i don't have an answer for him as soon as he finishes asking the question, he's thinking i'm ignoring him and he starts with the "hello? is anybody there?" shit. normally he's a really nice guy. he's usually a lot of fun and a blast to hang out with. we're best friends. but lately he's been in a lot of pain. i know pain can make you depressed and it has depressed him some. i've been by his side and in his corner 150% so i don't understand the attitude i get from him. it seems like sometimes he uses being in pain as an excuse to be an asshole. i've told him how it makes me feel when he does it and he'll stop for a while, but then it's right back to this. it was such an ordeal trying to get the surgery he needed for his elbow and so far it's been a painful recovery for him. i also believe it's entirely his fault that it's that way.

anyway, i'm getting off topic here. i don't understand why he expects me to have an answer for him the instant he finishes the question. he's always been an impatient person but damn! so i even resorted to saying just whatever comes to mind when he asks me a question just to give myself time to think of a proper answer. while he's pondering whatever i've said i'll come up with the proper answer and say "what i should've said was .... ". once he caught one he asked me why i do that and i told him why. he said "wow. i didn't realize i was that hard one you." i told him it wasn't that he was being hard me, because he wasn't. he was being extremely impatient and that's what i told him. he had stopped doing that for a long time. now it's starting up again and it's pissing me off! now he's laying here sleep. funny how when he's sleep, i let him sleep. whenever i'm sleep or sleepy for that matter, he'll try to keep me awake by asking me stupid shit or having me go to the kitchen a hundred times or asking me to cook something or go somewhere. what the fuck? why can't you let me sleep? i've been sleep deprived for almost 12 years and i can only blame the kids for about 3 of them. the rest is all him! waking me up 50 times a night. i say i want to take a nap for 2 hours, he wakes me up in 90 minutes. it's like he can't stand to see me be still. i could list a couple dozen things that really piss me off, but that's not why i'm writing today. i just wanted to get that spat off my chest. he really pisses me off sometimes but i love him.

Have you ever "dream" shopped?

Dream shopping on the Internet; it's one of my favorite things to do. Recently I found another excuse to indulge in my not so secret hobby and look for watches. I've always had a thing for watches so today I went to http://www.shopwiki.com/wiki/Jewelry+and+Watches
and found a gorgeous watch that I just fell in love with. It has a chrome band, mother of pearl face, and butterfly accents. Here, look for yourself http://www.shopwiki.com/search.jsp?q=Fossil+watches&p=4&sort=R.

My husband says I'm wasting my time. Sometimes I like to call it "research" because when we actually do go out shopping, he's totally amazed at how quickly I shop. I'm not like the "typical female shopper". I know what I want, wear I can get it, how much it costs and if it's in stock. The length of time I spend on a shopping trip usually depends on the time I have to spend at the check-out. It's only when we go shopping that he appreciates my "research".

Now Internet shopping, that's a whole different bag. That's where I like to take my time, browse at this and that, and check out prices. The next I feel the need to do some more Internet browsing, shopping, whatever you want to call it, I think I'll check out the electronics at http://www.shopwiki.com/wiki/Electronics. I am such an electronic gadget junkie. I may spend days on the site just browsing! My husband has been hinting around lately that he wants an SLR digital camera and his computer monitor did just poop out on him. I could look around for plenty of bargains and I just might surprise him with some really good deals.

Ha! I just found one http://www.shopwiki.com/search/digital+SLR+camera. That's awesome! Now he's gonna flip if I get it for him!

It was a wonderful Christmas after all.

I had a surprising wonderful Christmas. As I'm sure it has been for the majority of the country, it's been an extremely tough year for us. I've been looking for a job for over a year. Since we got here to Martin, actually. We've had to rely on the kindness of our families and even some strangers to get by. I'm thankful everyday that we still have the car we worked so hard to buy and now working harder to keep. I'm thankful that we have a safe and comfortable place to live and that our kids can't tell that mom and dad are struggling like they are. I'm thankful that I have the family that I have. I've seen so much worse and I know I am extremely blessed. Even though I haven't spoken to them in a while, I have the greatest group of friends a girl could ever ask for. And the best part of all, my rock, my very best friend, my husband. Now that's a man I am so blessed to have in my corner. Through all my ups and downs he's right there by my side. He holds my hand when I'm unsure about anything and gives me the support and guidance I need. I don't know where in life I'd be without him. We've been married for a little more than 10 years and they've been some of the wildest, craziest, funnest times of my life. I've said since the night I met him it's been a whirlwind. Sounds like a great segway to my other blog, My Whirlwind Life With Michael.

OK, my honey's home now and I wanna spend some time with him. L8r!

Time heals all wounds....

Whew! What a day it's been and I'm only half way through it. It started off kinda shaky and got worse the more I opened my eyes and let my day start. My daughter woke me up asking for breakfast. So I stumble out of bed (I like to sleep in on Sundays) and make my way to the kitchen. Once there I resembled that home alone kid. My kitchen looked like a bomb of tomato sauce went off! I wanted to cry! There was stuff EVERYWHERE and not a clean dish to be seen. My husband made his famous chili and homemade mac & cheese last night and left a HUGE mess. So in my dismay, I told her to get a couple of pop tarts and call it a morning. My son did the same thing and grabbed some pop tarts. Then I turn around to go to the bathroom and I notice the living room. OMG!!! It looks like a kidnado blew through! I am still feeling the effects of the cortisone shot I had to get earlier in the week, so the rage was starting to come out. I hollered and yelled about the condition of the house and put everyone to work. My husband had to do something for his grandmother so he was off the hook. So the three of us went to work. The kids swept and cleaned the living room and I cleaned the kitchen and started the laundry. All the while, my mood was not improving because my football team was losing to losers!!!! I am a die hard San Diego Charger fan and to see them lose to a team like the chiefs was NOT GOOD. I know that statement may anger some KC fans, but right now I don't care. My favorite Ladanian Tomlison shirt that I wear for every game was dirty and in the washer. Everytime I don't wear my shirt for a game, they lose. I still had to get it in the dryer before I could put it on and my Chargers were getting beaten badly. So I keep busy until I can put the clothes in the dryer. Buzz!! The washer's done so I hurrily grab the clothes and throw them in the dryer. About 40 minutes later, and my Chargers were losing 21 to 3, I grabbed my shirt outta the dryer and put it on right there in the laundry room. By that time the 3rd quarter was almost over. I was keeping tabs on the game through my computer, so when I came back to see that we had scored, I knew things were starting to turn around. Hard to believe that was only 4 hours after my daughter woke me up. Time marched on and my Chargers won the game. Aaaahhh. That's better. Hey, my husband's home! And he brought presents! Yay! I start to feel better, but an immediate feeling of guilt came over me at the same time. I was so mean to my babies earlier that I had to explain to them what was going with me. They knew about my back hurting, but they didn't know I went to the doctor or that I got a cortisone shot. They're so sweet. I asked if they noticed a change in my mood and my daughter says "yeah, you've been crabby" OMG! So I gather them up in my arms and apologize profusely for yelling at them. I told them I loved them and showered them with kisses and they hugged and kissed me back. After our little scene I noticed the time....
Wow I do feel better and it's 6 plus hours since my baby girl woke me up. Time really does work for healing wounds because I was certainly feeling wounded this morning.

Happy Birthday Daddy !!

Today my Dad turned 61 years old. Wow, I really never thought he'd make it this far. I know that must sound like a pretty morbid thing to say about my father, but if you knew the kind of life he'd led up to now, you'd wonder the same thing. He's a disabled veteran now with prostate cancer. He's doing well now and going through his treatments. He fought in Vietnam twice before I was born. He was born and raised in the deep south in 1947. Could you imagine for a minute was life was like in the 40s and 50s for a young Black man? Pretty treacherous. I remember listening to the stories he would tell me about growing up in Mobile, Alabama. How he would spend his free time running because it made him feel so free. He knew he wasn't like the kids around him. He knew he was different from his 5 brothers and sisters. For one thing, he never developed the accent of a deep southerner. He sounded like he was from California and he still does to this day. His ambitions were light years away from his peers. He knew there was so much more to life and the world than what was going on in tiny little Mobile. When he graduated from high school, he packed up and joined the Navy. While he was on his first tour in Vietnam, a friend of his introduced him to his cousin through a letter. They exchanged pictures and letters for over 2 years before they met in person. On May 17, 1969 they met face to face for the first time and married on May 19, 1969, two days later. Then my dad had to go back, but not without leaving his impression first. His new wife was pregnant! When he returned 6 months later, she was showing quite a bit. A couple of months later, she arrived at the hospital to give birth to her first child. God did not see fit to give that child, named Brenda Joyce, to her mother so he took her for himself and this left my father and his new wife distraught. It was only time and the grace of God that allowed them to see past their hurt and try again. Soon they discovered they were pregnant again and this time, God let them keep what they prayed so long for and here I am!!! My dad and mom had me in October 1971. My parents told me after I was born that my complexion was the color of a new penny. My mother is very light skinned and my father is dark skinned. And I have big eyes just like his. From the start I was Daddy's girl. My parents never had anymore children after me. My dad took me everywhere he went. I think I learned my street smarts with him and all our adventures. My mom was always big into school. Do your homework, do well on tests. I get my school ethic from her. I get my will from both of them. My dad has had it pretty hard since returning from Vietnam. That was back in the day when soldiers and sailors came back to getting spit on and trash throw at them. My dad was just a kid when he fought over there and he came back a changed person. Today, we now know his condition is called PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder), but all we knew was that he was always angry. He was rarely happy. He would have extreme mood swings and then sometimes, he would sleep for days. My parent's marriage was a strenuous one for both of them and it ended 16 years after it started. They even tried again about 9 years after they divorced the first time, they remarried but it only lasted 5 years. Sometimes things are just better left alone ya know? My mom wasn't the only one to have issues with my dad. He and I have had our issues too. He wasn't always there for me when I was growing up. There were times when he showed up or manned up just when I needed him to, but most often it was just me and my mom. When I became an adult he tried to play the "daddy" roll and I took offense to it. Why try to play daddy to an adult when you should have done that when I was a kid was my line of thinking. He was try to press his rules and regs on me and I'd be like "whatever". He hadn't lived with us for years and there was no way I was going to let him control my life (or so I thought). Fat was he was still my father and I owed him at least that much respect. The older I got, the more I understood, and now being married to a Veteran with PTSD, I understand some of what he was going through when he was younger. Too bad I couldn't help my mom understand about PTSD and how it effects everyone close to the sufferer. But here I sit today, already having called my dad and sang him happy birthday, amazed at the life he's lived and what he's gone through to come out the man he is today. I'm so proud of him and I'm so lucky that he's my father. I love you Daddy! Happy Birthday!

So I'm back today after being away for so long. What's been going on? Well, a whole heck of a lot. Shortly after I started this blog I fell into a pretty deep well of depression. It seemed that my world was caving in on me. School was becoming overwhelming, my kids are extremely active and popular, medical issues for my husband and now for me. My Superman hurt his shoulder pretty badly and he'll have surgery next week. I fell and hurt my back 20 years ago and on occasion, it will lock up on me. Last year when I had the flu from hell, I coughed a little too hard and that was it. I'm not quite sure what happened but my back hasn't been right since. About a week ago I got out of bed only to grab hold of my dresser to stop from falling on the floor. Pain shot from my back all the way down and my knees buckled. The tears came almost immediately. "I'm only 37. Why am I in this pain?" are the questions going through my mind as I scoot back to the warmth and comfort of my bed. Once I lay down I realize I have an even bigger problem. Not only is my back throbbing, the initial reason I got outta bed still hasn't been address.....I have to pee!!!!! So my husband, hearing my cry and being concerned, helps me to the bathroom. He has to help me sit down and stand up. That's it! That's it! That's the final straw! I'm 37 and my husband had to help me go to the bathroom? No way! I call the doctor and say I'm on my way. I get there and he asks me what my deal is. He's so funny. He checks me over and prescribes me some pretty heavy drugs ;-) and physical therapy. After I get home, I sit and think. About what? What's gotten me so down over the last couple of months that I ignored the things that were important to me, alone. I ignored school, I ignored my house, and ignored the outside world. I hardly even went outside. I was starting to feel like an agoriphobic. I don't want to be like that. So I started thinking of what I used to do when I got down and it came to me; writing! I used to have dozens of spiral notebooks that I would write in for hours and hours. I have carpel tunnel now so I can't write for hours, but I have an ergonomically correct office and I can type for hours, so I got back to my blog. My goal is to keep this up because of the theraputic properties it has for me. Hopefully, I can take people on my journey of self discovery. How cool is that?